Month: January 2018
2020? “Give me four years.”
Early Crisis
Smoking Gift Basket
So-called “Smoking Gift Basket” found in trunk of Bannon’s Corvair. Card says “Glad we could help.”
Oompa Loompas Mass on US Mexican Border!
Oompa Loompas prepare to storm US/Mexico border!
Breaking with the Trump administration, Kellyanne Conway has taken up the Oompa Loompas’ cause and has vowed to pose for photos with them until “it gets too dark outside, or they actually do something.”
Robbery!
Spongebob Squarepants’ twin brother Spongebill is captured on surveillance camera robbing our CVS. During the course of the robbery, an unidentified man in the background of the photo dropped one of his tubes of Preparation H—it is marked with a red circle. The ointment is paid for. If you know who this man is, please contact us at 1-GOT-DRUG. We will contact him and make sure he picks up his Preparation H.
Thank you. Thankfully, nobody was hurt.
Teletubbies detained pending deportation!
According to an ICE spokesperson the Teletubbies illegally tried to enter the US with fake British passports. There has been considerable difficulty determining their nationality. They have refused to cooperate with ICE and there is growing speculation the Teletubbies may be extraterrestrials.
